i know racism is wrong.
but when confronted with evidence like this:
you HAVE to admit,
Korean babies are the cutest.
we win.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
singing songs
i've had the privilege and pleasure of playing music publicly twice in the last couple weeks. before that, it had been about a year and half since i had attempted to play more than one of my songs for an audience. i expounded a little bit on my previous blog about the things that have been holding me back but it's funny how the simple act of putting myself out there and doing what i've been talking about doing has already dispelled a lot of my apprehensions. am i exactly where i want to be? no. am i making exactly the kind of music i'd like to make? not yet. but i am out there and i am doing something and ya know what? it's kinda nice. i'm finding that despite all my insecurities and shortcomings, somehow what i'm doing is connecting with people and really, isn't that the whole point? yes. yes it is.
so thank you everyone for your encouragement. thank you to the people who were able to make it to the shows. thank you to everyone who has listened to me talk about my dreams and pushed me to turn that talk into action. thank you thank you thank YOU.
in other news, post lent is going very well. already i feel a lot more balanced and myself. it's funny how much self-improvement takes place when you take the focus off of yourself. go fig.
p.s. i made myself one of those superhip myspace music pages. granted, there isn't any music on it quite yet, but there will be eventually, hopefully sooner than later. so hollaback, kiddos.
so thank you everyone for your encouragement. thank you to the people who were able to make it to the shows. thank you to everyone who has listened to me talk about my dreams and pushed me to turn that talk into action. thank you thank you thank YOU.
in other news, post lent is going very well. already i feel a lot more balanced and myself. it's funny how much self-improvement takes place when you take the focus off of yourself. go fig.
p.s. i made myself one of those superhip myspace music pages. granted, there isn't any music on it quite yet, but there will be eventually, hopefully sooner than later. so hollaback, kiddos.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
not okay
i confess, i've been a TERRIBLE blogger.
turns out when you actually do your readings for class, it sucks up your fun superfluous internet time. i mean don't get me wrong, i still check all my online social networking sites a shameful number of times a day but blogs take time and thought and i don't have a whole lot of time or a whole lot of thought to spare these days.
i will expound albeit concisely [for me, anyhow] about the exciting things unfolding in my future. ladies and gentlemen, in the next two weeks i will be playing not one but TWO shows! bum-ba-da-BUMMMM!!! while i should be thrilled at this opportunity [somewhere deep down i am, i promise] i'm also terrified and i mean TERRIFIED. playing out is something that i know i've got to do and something i know i should have been doing but i don't know... it's SUPER DUPER scary. even more than a fear of failure, i have an INTENSE fear of mediocrity. i've been justifying my reluctance to play out by reasoning that i would rather play nothing than play something that's just okay. there are millions of okay songs out there by millions of okay writers sung my millions of okay singers -- i don't want to be one of them. i don't want to make boring music, i don't want to be a boring singer/songerwriter, i don't want to contribute to the dumbing down of culture in our society. not that i have these lofty aspirations of making super pretentious "high art" [whatever that means anymore] but i know that i want to do something real and something new -- a tall order in this day and age.
but i know that i've got to do SOMETHING first. even if that something isn't awesome or earth shattering... even if that something exposes me and my lack of sophistication... even if that means that someone will think i suck. i'm not gonna just land at greatness out of the simple desire to be awesome or out of a fear mediocrity. i'm gonna have to endure my own crap. i've got some growing to do.
...
[know what those are?]
baby steps.
turns out when you actually do your readings for class, it sucks up your fun superfluous internet time. i mean don't get me wrong, i still check all my online social networking sites a shameful number of times a day but blogs take time and thought and i don't have a whole lot of time or a whole lot of thought to spare these days.
i will expound albeit concisely [for me, anyhow] about the exciting things unfolding in my future. ladies and gentlemen, in the next two weeks i will be playing not one but TWO shows! bum-ba-da-BUMMMM!!! while i should be thrilled at this opportunity [somewhere deep down i am, i promise] i'm also terrified and i mean TERRIFIED. playing out is something that i know i've got to do and something i know i should have been doing but i don't know... it's SUPER DUPER scary. even more than a fear of failure, i have an INTENSE fear of mediocrity. i've been justifying my reluctance to play out by reasoning that i would rather play nothing than play something that's just okay. there are millions of okay songs out there by millions of okay writers sung my millions of okay singers -- i don't want to be one of them. i don't want to make boring music, i don't want to be a boring singer/songerwriter, i don't want to contribute to the dumbing down of culture in our society. not that i have these lofty aspirations of making super pretentious "high art" [whatever that means anymore] but i know that i want to do something real and something new -- a tall order in this day and age.
but i know that i've got to do SOMETHING first. even if that something isn't awesome or earth shattering... even if that something exposes me and my lack of sophistication... even if that means that someone will think i suck. i'm not gonna just land at greatness out of the simple desire to be awesome or out of a fear mediocrity. i'm gonna have to endure my own crap. i've got some growing to do.
...
[know what those are?]
baby steps.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
post-Lent
Easter Sunday marks the end of the Lenten season. Lent is a time to reflect on the 40 days Jesus spent preparing Himself for the agony of crucifixion. many people choose to give up certain comforts or take on practices that serve as a tool to keep focus in the midst of a world of distractions.
this year, i decided not to participate.
why?
...
um, i didn't feel like it.
quite frankly, i was kind of a brat about it and there wasn't anything i felt like giving up. instead, i spent a good chunk of Lent being a bummed out whiny self-pitying mess. that's right... while other people were out there reflecting on Jesus, i was whining about petty woe-is-me blahdibarf and la la la. real cool.
in light of this revelation, a few friends and i have decided that it's time to quit whining and focus on the health of our souls. ladies and gentlemen, i give you: POST-LENT!
for the the next forty days, i'm going to be doing what i probably should've been doing for the last forty days. but more than just changing a few behaviors [which i will be doing, details to follow] i hope to change the way i've been thinking and subsequently, the way i've been feeling. to help me in this endeavor, i plan on doing the following:
++ i'm giving up cellphone solitaire. i know this seems like the lamest thing to give up but if you know me or if you spend more than a few hours at a time with me, you know that cellphone solitaire is my go-to supplementary entertainment. i looked up my game statistics and did the math and i have spent over EIGHT DAYS of my life playing cellphone solitaire. pathetic, i know. in the absence of my beloved game, it looks like i'll actually have to pay attention in class and do something other than just shut my brain off whenever i don't feel sufficiently entertained. it's gonna be rough.
++ i'm gonna work-out [kinda]. again, if you know me, you know that working out is hardly a priority for me. i don't think i'll ever be able to exercise on the basis of superficial motivations. i have a weirdly awesome self-image that while fantastic on many levels, keeps me from tending to the health of my body. i dunno, i guess when you feel like you look good it's easy to feel sorta invincible. so i've enrolled in some hip-hop classes and i'm gonna try to walk greenlake [a 4.5 mile lap] at least once a week. i'm not concerned on the effect it'll have on my outward appearance but i'm hoping it does my mind and soul some good. but if my booty shrinks so much as a centimeter, i QUIT! kidding. kinda. :)
++ i'm going to read more. i have yet to finish the amazing book i started before the beginning of the quarter, partly due to the reading i had to do for school but largely due to the fact that i spend so much time watching trashy reality tv. so not only will i be reading more of that book and the countless other books on my list, but i'm going to be doing something i have neglected to do for the bulk of my educated life: do my assigned readings when they're due [gasp!]. one of the pitfalls of being such a gifted BS-er is my tendency to rely on my ability to articulate rather than on good ol' fashioned hard work. so i'm going to try a very novel thing [pun intended] and READ the things my teacher tells me to. it's a big step, believe me. oh, and i could also stand to read the Bible more often. so i'll be doing that as well. :)
beyond those bigger goals, i'm going to try focus on more than just myself and my immediate needs and issues and work on activities that will foster real growth. i'm going to have to exercise more moderation in my tv watching and my hangout times [sorry kiddos!] in order to restore some much needed balance. this includes but is not limited to actively working on my music stuff especially since it looks as if i've got a couple potential shows next month [eek!]. also, i'll be praying more. i know that's a very trite thing to aspire towards because what does that even mean really? nevertheless, i know it needs to be done and this post-Lent is all about DOING.
so if you didn't partake in the Lenten season or if you're just generally in need of some extra focus, you are more than welcome to participate with us for the next forty days until may 2nd as we [bum-ba-da-BUM!] POST-LENT [copyright jHong 2008]!
:)
this year, i decided not to participate.
why?
...
um, i didn't feel like it.
quite frankly, i was kind of a brat about it and there wasn't anything i felt like giving up. instead, i spent a good chunk of Lent being a bummed out whiny self-pitying mess. that's right... while other people were out there reflecting on Jesus, i was whining about petty woe-is-me blahdibarf and la la la. real cool.
in light of this revelation, a few friends and i have decided that it's time to quit whining and focus on the health of our souls. ladies and gentlemen, i give you: POST-LENT!
for the the next forty days, i'm going to be doing what i probably should've been doing for the last forty days. but more than just changing a few behaviors [which i will be doing, details to follow] i hope to change the way i've been thinking and subsequently, the way i've been feeling. to help me in this endeavor, i plan on doing the following:
++ i'm giving up cellphone solitaire. i know this seems like the lamest thing to give up but if you know me or if you spend more than a few hours at a time with me, you know that cellphone solitaire is my go-to supplementary entertainment. i looked up my game statistics and did the math and i have spent over EIGHT DAYS of my life playing cellphone solitaire. pathetic, i know. in the absence of my beloved game, it looks like i'll actually have to pay attention in class and do something other than just shut my brain off whenever i don't feel sufficiently entertained. it's gonna be rough.
++ i'm gonna work-out [kinda]. again, if you know me, you know that working out is hardly a priority for me. i don't think i'll ever be able to exercise on the basis of superficial motivations. i have a weirdly awesome self-image that while fantastic on many levels, keeps me from tending to the health of my body. i dunno, i guess when you feel like you look good it's easy to feel sorta invincible. so i've enrolled in some hip-hop classes and i'm gonna try to walk greenlake [a 4.5 mile lap] at least once a week. i'm not concerned on the effect it'll have on my outward appearance but i'm hoping it does my mind and soul some good. but if my booty shrinks so much as a centimeter, i QUIT! kidding. kinda. :)
++ i'm going to read more. i have yet to finish the amazing book i started before the beginning of the quarter, partly due to the reading i had to do for school but largely due to the fact that i spend so much time watching trashy reality tv. so not only will i be reading more of that book and the countless other books on my list, but i'm going to be doing something i have neglected to do for the bulk of my educated life: do my assigned readings when they're due [gasp!]. one of the pitfalls of being such a gifted BS-er is my tendency to rely on my ability to articulate rather than on good ol' fashioned hard work. so i'm going to try a very novel thing [pun intended] and READ the things my teacher tells me to. it's a big step, believe me. oh, and i could also stand to read the Bible more often. so i'll be doing that as well. :)
beyond those bigger goals, i'm going to try focus on more than just myself and my immediate needs and issues and work on activities that will foster real growth. i'm going to have to exercise more moderation in my tv watching and my hangout times [sorry kiddos!] in order to restore some much needed balance. this includes but is not limited to actively working on my music stuff especially since it looks as if i've got a couple potential shows next month [eek!]. also, i'll be praying more. i know that's a very trite thing to aspire towards because what does that even mean really? nevertheless, i know it needs to be done and this post-Lent is all about DOING.
so if you didn't partake in the Lenten season or if you're just generally in need of some extra focus, you are more than welcome to participate with us for the next forty days until may 2nd as we [bum-ba-da-BUM!] POST-LENT [copyright jHong 2008]!
:)
Monday, March 10, 2008
graph paper
i wrote a poem on graph paper
hoping the boxes could contain my thoughts
hoping each little block
could accomplish what my will can not
like maybe my thoughts would fall in line
or at least fit in between them
like the letters that fill each
delightful little space
my thoughts might fall right in place
and make the mess that is my mind,
this chaos currently masquerading as my brain
as measured, managed and orderly as
this ordinary graph paper
hoping the boxes could contain my thoughts
hoping each little block
could accomplish what my will can not
like maybe my thoughts would fall in line
or at least fit in between them
like the letters that fill each
delightful little space
my thoughts might fall right in place
and make the mess that is my mind,
this chaos currently masquerading as my brain
as measured, managed and orderly as
this ordinary graph paper
Monday, February 25, 2008
like a koala without a pouch...
... a banana without a peel ...
... a soccer mom without a minivan ...
... a dave bazan without a beard ...
... such is how i feel without my cellphone.
i left my cellphone at home today.
i usually keep my brain stimulated during class with a rousing game of solitaire but in the absence of my beloved treo, i was forced to take a nap instead. [being a student is no walk in the park, folks -- i'm tellin ya.]
now with the rest of my day ahead of me, i should be focused on completing the schoolwork that i consistently put off. i would run home and get my celly-cell but i live deep in the suburbs and my inconsistent obsession with efficiency won't let me leave the comforts of the city to do so. not to mention the fact that once i get home, it would be really hard for me to leave again. and since there's no way i'm gonna be able to read jane austen when i've got the option of catching up on the episodes of 'flavor of love 3' and 'rock of love 2' that i missed last week, i'm just gonna cut the umbilical cord [albeit temporarily] and try to go through my day without it.
the past few times i've accidentally left my phone behind, i've imagined coming come to a slew of panicked texts and voicemails from my codependent friends who don't know how to go a day without my wise council and witty banter. much to my shock and disbelief, i'd usually come home to no missed calls, texts or pleas for my attention of any kind. and although there's still a lingering fear that someone may be cursing my name to the heavens whist shaking their fist screaming "WHYYYY??? WHYYYYYY???", i'm gonna bet that no such person exists and that the world is more or less functioning with or without my immediate availability.
it begs the question, what did any of us do B.C. [before cellphones]? how did we function? i inherited my cousin's cellphone at the tender age of 16 and i'm not sure how i survived without it. and how did i live pre-texting? i remember the days when texting was a cumbersome task - so much so that the ringtone i assigned to texts was [and still is, for sentimental reasons] the destiny's child classic "bugaboo" [this was before i had the glorious qwerty keyboard of my treo and before i had mastered the t9 function of my previous cell]. nowadays, i can speed text with almost as much dexterity as i can this very blog that i'm composing at lightning speed this very moment [if you were looking over my shoulder, all you'd see is a frenetic blur of tangerine colored nails].
i'm not really sure what the point of any of this questioning really is. i guess i'm just finding myself more and more put off by the flippant convenience of technology [not that it keeps me from utilizing it]. i think about whittling down my bank of 419 myspace "friends" and weeding out those who i am rarely [if ever] in contact with in the vain hope that it would make myspace more authentic. i don't for fear that i'd hurt someone's internet feelings, which is both absurd and completely realistic which makes me contemplate deleting my myspace account altogether. but i know myself well enough to know that i'd no sooner cancel my cellphone plan and throw my treo in the the depths of puget sound.
it's not technology that grosses me out -- it's me.
the truth hurts.
but the truth will set me free.
... a soccer mom without a minivan ...
... a dave bazan without a beard ...
... such is how i feel without my cellphone.
i left my cellphone at home today.
i usually keep my brain stimulated during class with a rousing game of solitaire but in the absence of my beloved treo, i was forced to take a nap instead. [being a student is no walk in the park, folks -- i'm tellin ya.]
now with the rest of my day ahead of me, i should be focused on completing the schoolwork that i consistently put off. i would run home and get my celly-cell but i live deep in the suburbs and my inconsistent obsession with efficiency won't let me leave the comforts of the city to do so. not to mention the fact that once i get home, it would be really hard for me to leave again. and since there's no way i'm gonna be able to read jane austen when i've got the option of catching up on the episodes of 'flavor of love 3' and 'rock of love 2' that i missed last week, i'm just gonna cut the umbilical cord [albeit temporarily] and try to go through my day without it.
the past few times i've accidentally left my phone behind, i've imagined coming come to a slew of panicked texts and voicemails from my codependent friends who don't know how to go a day without my wise council and witty banter. much to my shock and disbelief, i'd usually come home to no missed calls, texts or pleas for my attention of any kind. and although there's still a lingering fear that someone may be cursing my name to the heavens whist shaking their fist screaming "WHYYYY??? WHYYYYYY???", i'm gonna bet that no such person exists and that the world is more or less functioning with or without my immediate availability.
it begs the question, what did any of us do B.C. [before cellphones]? how did we function? i inherited my cousin's cellphone at the tender age of 16 and i'm not sure how i survived without it. and how did i live pre-texting? i remember the days when texting was a cumbersome task - so much so that the ringtone i assigned to texts was [and still is, for sentimental reasons] the destiny's child classic "bugaboo" [this was before i had the glorious qwerty keyboard of my treo and before i had mastered the t9 function of my previous cell]. nowadays, i can speed text with almost as much dexterity as i can this very blog that i'm composing at lightning speed this very moment [if you were looking over my shoulder, all you'd see is a frenetic blur of tangerine colored nails].
i'm not really sure what the point of any of this questioning really is. i guess i'm just finding myself more and more put off by the flippant convenience of technology [not that it keeps me from utilizing it]. i think about whittling down my bank of 419 myspace "friends" and weeding out those who i am rarely [if ever] in contact with in the vain hope that it would make myspace more authentic. i don't for fear that i'd hurt someone's internet feelings, which is both absurd and completely realistic which makes me contemplate deleting my myspace account altogether. but i know myself well enough to know that i'd no sooner cancel my cellphone plan and throw my treo in the the depths of puget sound.
it's not technology that grosses me out -- it's me.
the truth hurts.
but the truth will set me free.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
a blogspot exclusive
the past several blogs i've written, i've subsequently cut&pasted onto my myspace to maximize exposure. this begs the question, why a whole separate blog? why bother? that blog has a pretty specific audience and this blog has a different audience as well but since i'm not too concerned about catering to either crowd [no offence, my babies] why even separate the two?
a big piece of the equation is my vanity. i want as many people to read these things as possible. i want you to read what i write and think that i'm smart and funny. is it working? [don't answer that. seriously.]
but again, why two blogs? should one serve a purpose that the other does or can not? SHOULD i be catering to my devoted readers whom i love so dearly? all four of you??
i have no idea. it's kind of like the mystery of multiple social networks. i personally belong to three -- each with some overlap but each with varying degrees of 'privacy'. sometimes i wonder what the point of it all is. i don't tend to take these online 'friendships' all to seriously and truth be told, i'm a bad online friend if we're not real-life friends for real. the whole thing kinda creeps me out and it makes me wonder if every new wave of communication technology was met with this kind of wariness. like were the first users of the telephone thinking to themselves, "gee, it's quite odd to be speaking my deepest thoughts into this plastic thing in the wall?" i certainly feel funny about attempting to type genuine thought and feeling onto a screen [nevermind that my funny feelings rarely stop me].
i don't really get any of it. i just know that it's all very confusing and scary. it's scary to think that my kids may grow up with friends they never see in person. it's scary to think that future generations will value pixels on a screen more than the tone in a voice. i still remember what my best friend's house smelled like in elementary school, will my grandkids have that? frightening.
don't get me wrong, i love technology [cue kip dynamite!]. i love the opportunity to connect with long lost friends and to maintain contact with faraway buddies. i love that there is a place for me to write and rant to my heart's desire. but i hesitate to take any of it seriously. i hesitate to assign any real value to it and my heart is constantly guarded and kept miles away. as technology is progressively intimacized and intimacy is continually technologized, i'm not sure how long i'll be able to maintain my distance. but please forgive me if i hold out as long as possible.
a big piece of the equation is my vanity. i want as many people to read these things as possible. i want you to read what i write and think that i'm smart and funny. is it working? [don't answer that. seriously.]
but again, why two blogs? should one serve a purpose that the other does or can not? SHOULD i be catering to my devoted readers whom i love so dearly? all four of you??
i have no idea. it's kind of like the mystery of multiple social networks. i personally belong to three -- each with some overlap but each with varying degrees of 'privacy'. sometimes i wonder what the point of it all is. i don't tend to take these online 'friendships' all to seriously and truth be told, i'm a bad online friend if we're not real-life friends for real. the whole thing kinda creeps me out and it makes me wonder if every new wave of communication technology was met with this kind of wariness. like were the first users of the telephone thinking to themselves, "gee, it's quite odd to be speaking my deepest thoughts into this plastic thing in the wall?" i certainly feel funny about attempting to type genuine thought and feeling onto a screen [nevermind that my funny feelings rarely stop me].
i don't really get any of it. i just know that it's all very confusing and scary. it's scary to think that my kids may grow up with friends they never see in person. it's scary to think that future generations will value pixels on a screen more than the tone in a voice. i still remember what my best friend's house smelled like in elementary school, will my grandkids have that? frightening.
don't get me wrong, i love technology [cue kip dynamite!]. i love the opportunity to connect with long lost friends and to maintain contact with faraway buddies. i love that there is a place for me to write and rant to my heart's desire. but i hesitate to take any of it seriously. i hesitate to assign any real value to it and my heart is constantly guarded and kept miles away. as technology is progressively intimacized and intimacy is continually technologized, i'm not sure how long i'll be able to maintain my distance. but please forgive me if i hold out as long as possible.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
day-o
i'd like to think i'm somewhat of a trendsetter. i try to stay ahead of the curve, two steps ahead of the game, keep the kids on their toes... you know how we do. everybody does that whole cliché hum-drum run-of-the-mill single-shmuck-depressed-on-valentine's-day thing! i'm an innovator, dang it. so while you bozos are wasting your woes this february 14th, i'm gonna save up all my angst for april 25th -- arbor day.
on arbor day, i'm gonna bunker down with a pint or two of haagen daaz and watch 'the notebook' ["if you're a bird, i'm a bird!"]. i'm gonna bust out my copy of pride and prejudice and remember that jane austen based it her own tale of love except that she had to fabricate a happy ending because her love story didn't pan out and she died alone. i'll be putting out a big green-thumbs-DOWN while i dwell on the massive injustice of the legit girl to legit guy ratio and the ridiculous disparity therein. while all those hippies are out there planting their trees, my ass is gonna be planted on my couch pouting about all the almosts, near misses, never haves and never wills.
in the meantime, valentine's is gonna be a blast! me and annie are gonna grab dinner at my favorite korean restaurant and watch a movie that is sure to be a major contender at next year's academy awards: step up 2 - to the streets. and if you think that i'm the type of girl that would dance shamelessly in the middle a crowded movie theater, well... you're right. i am that type of girl. hollaaaaaaa!!!
so hop on the bandwagon and have a happy valentine's days, guys and dolls! this arbor day's gonna be a doozy.
on arbor day, i'm gonna bunker down with a pint or two of haagen daaz and watch 'the notebook' ["if you're a bird, i'm a bird!"]. i'm gonna bust out my copy of pride and prejudice and remember that jane austen based it her own tale of love except that she had to fabricate a happy ending because her love story didn't pan out and she died alone. i'll be putting out a big green-thumbs-DOWN while i dwell on the massive injustice of the legit girl to legit guy ratio and the ridiculous disparity therein. while all those hippies are out there planting their trees, my ass is gonna be planted on my couch pouting about all the almosts, near misses, never haves and never wills.
in the meantime, valentine's is gonna be a blast! me and annie are gonna grab dinner at my favorite korean restaurant and watch a movie that is sure to be a major contender at next year's academy awards: step up 2 - to the streets. and if you think that i'm the type of girl that would dance shamelessly in the middle a crowded movie theater, well... you're right. i am that type of girl. hollaaaaaaa!!!
so hop on the bandwagon and have a happy valentine's days, guys and dolls! this arbor day's gonna be a doozy.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
hope against hope
i am currently watching what is easily the most depressing movie of all time. i have no idea why i'm even watching it. it's not even that great of a movie to be honest. the first time i watched it i felt like gouging out my eyeballs with those teeny little plastic coated baby spoons. and yet here i am, watching it again. maybe i'm a masochist.
scratch that maybe. i know exactly what i'm doing and i'm doing it very intentionally. i am challenging my hope. i've never been much of a competitor, i don't take dares [i think they're dumb] but i am incredibly stubborn and sometimes i go to great lengths to prove my point, even if i'm the only one i'm proving it to.
i am watching this movie to test my hope.
my last blog was not a particularly hopeful one. the point i made wasn't that single people should try to make valentine's day some kind of deluded sunshine&lollipops fest. my point was that valentine's day shouldn't suck any more [or less] than any other day.
and yet despite that evidence of unhope, somehow i am not a hopeless person. i have no idea why i'm not a hopeless person as i have every reason to be.
my hope is not a warm-fuzzy hope. it has nothing to do with naivety - i've heard those stories, i've lived those stories. it's certainly not a hope based on reality, or at least not physical reality. my hope has nothing to do with fairy tales, nothing to do with humanity, and it definitely has absolutely nothing to do with my own merits - real, perceived, or otherwise.
my hope isn't even as simple as faith. i know many people who have had enduring faith and yet have had their hopes dashed in very real and painful ways. i know many people with lots of faith and relatively little hope, if any at all.
i wish my hope was contagious but that doesn't always seem to be the case. probably because my particular breed of hope doesn't have the typical symptoms of hope; things like a sweet temperament, blind optimism, and the color pink - things i don't have and things i don't like. but my hope is resilient, i have no idea why. my hope is as stubborn as i am, and thank God for that. no seriously, thank God for that because as simplistic as it sounds, He's the only one that deserves any sort of credit.
i'm watching a hopeless movie to prove to myself that i still have hope. the good news is i do.
scratch that maybe. i know exactly what i'm doing and i'm doing it very intentionally. i am challenging my hope. i've never been much of a competitor, i don't take dares [i think they're dumb] but i am incredibly stubborn and sometimes i go to great lengths to prove my point, even if i'm the only one i'm proving it to.
i am watching this movie to test my hope.
my last blog was not a particularly hopeful one. the point i made wasn't that single people should try to make valentine's day some kind of deluded sunshine&lollipops fest. my point was that valentine's day shouldn't suck any more [or less] than any other day.
and yet despite that evidence of unhope, somehow i am not a hopeless person. i have no idea why i'm not a hopeless person as i have every reason to be.
my hope is not a warm-fuzzy hope. it has nothing to do with naivety - i've heard those stories, i've lived those stories. it's certainly not a hope based on reality, or at least not physical reality. my hope has nothing to do with fairy tales, nothing to do with humanity, and it definitely has absolutely nothing to do with my own merits - real, perceived, or otherwise.
my hope isn't even as simple as faith. i know many people who have had enduring faith and yet have had their hopes dashed in very real and painful ways. i know many people with lots of faith and relatively little hope, if any at all.
i wish my hope was contagious but that doesn't always seem to be the case. probably because my particular breed of hope doesn't have the typical symptoms of hope; things like a sweet temperament, blind optimism, and the color pink - things i don't have and things i don't like. but my hope is resilient, i have no idea why. my hope is as stubborn as i am, and thank God for that. no seriously, thank God for that because as simplistic as it sounds, He's the only one that deserves any sort of credit.
i'm watching a hopeless movie to prove to myself that i still have hope. the good news is i do.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
why valentines day doesn't have to suck
it's that time of the year, kiddos! all the hallmark stores are adorned in pink and red, the floral shops have beefed up their inventory, the olive garden is all-hands-on-deck and russell stovers is the happiest camper on the block. and of course, it's the time of year when us single folk are asked that dreaded question. sure, we get this query in many variations all throughout the year but right around february 14th, the question is thrown in our faces like a fistful of poo: so, are you seeing anyone?
after giving a sheepish shrug to the negatory, smug non-single person comes back with the only question more painful than the first: WHY? to add insult to injury, this follow-up is usually accompanied by some suggested responses: maybe you're being too picky? maybe guys are just intimidated? maybe you're not making yourself available?
truth is, i would LOVE to have a plausible answer. i would love to be able to say, "you know, i think it's the tail. i mean it's prehensile and everything but dudes just don't seem into it." at which point i would form my tail into the shape of a question mark right next to my head to further illustrate my confusion.
but i don't have a tail and i don't have an answer. i have no idea why my treo isn't chocked full of dates and why there isn't a line of attractive young fellas that look like this hunk lined up outside my door. my guess is there really isn't an answer, or at least there isn't one answer. there isn't a formula and none of those self-help books or Christian dating manuals have a sure-fire key to getting un-single. it's pretty much a crap shoot, folks! which is PRECISELY why valentine's day doesn't have to suck.
i'm sure one day valentine's day will be an awesome opportunity to celebrate the love i've found and blahblahbarf once i'm finally cured of my singleness [KIDDING]. in the meantime, it's just a day! it doesn't have to be any more dreadful or torturous than i make it. i'm not saying being single doesn't suck. it does suck. it can be fun at times but for the most part it's pretty crappy [ESPECIALLY when you're being bombarded with irritating questions like, why are you single?]. but why waste energy dwelling on its suckiness just because of a socially constructed holiday? there'll only be a pity party if you throw one. why not pour that energy into celebrating something more positive like the fact that you have running water, a roof over your head, no festering boils [anymore], and a computer screen in front of your face? i know it's easier said than done, but i think it's worth the effort. it's certainly a better use of energy than being a whiny woe-is-me debbie-downer and making your fellow singlefolk wanna punch you in the face.
so buck up, singles! put away that copy of 'the notebook' and take this blog like a lil nudge to the chin. if nothing else, be thankful that you have good friends and that you don't have a tail, prehensile or not.
after giving a sheepish shrug to the negatory, smug non-single person comes back with the only question more painful than the first: WHY? to add insult to injury, this follow-up is usually accompanied by some suggested responses: maybe you're being too picky? maybe guys are just intimidated? maybe you're not making yourself available?
truth is, i would LOVE to have a plausible answer. i would love to be able to say, "you know, i think it's the tail. i mean it's prehensile and everything but dudes just don't seem into it." at which point i would form my tail into the shape of a question mark right next to my head to further illustrate my confusion.
but i don't have a tail and i don't have an answer. i have no idea why my treo isn't chocked full of dates and why there isn't a line of attractive young fellas that look like this hunk lined up outside my door. my guess is there really isn't an answer, or at least there isn't one answer. there isn't a formula and none of those self-help books or Christian dating manuals have a sure-fire key to getting un-single. it's pretty much a crap shoot, folks! which is PRECISELY why valentine's day doesn't have to suck.
i'm sure one day valentine's day will be an awesome opportunity to celebrate the love i've found and blahblahbarf once i'm finally cured of my singleness [KIDDING]. in the meantime, it's just a day! it doesn't have to be any more dreadful or torturous than i make it. i'm not saying being single doesn't suck. it does suck. it can be fun at times but for the most part it's pretty crappy [ESPECIALLY when you're being bombarded with irritating questions like, why are you single?]. but why waste energy dwelling on its suckiness just because of a socially constructed holiday? there'll only be a pity party if you throw one. why not pour that energy into celebrating something more positive like the fact that you have running water, a roof over your head, no festering boils [anymore], and a computer screen in front of your face? i know it's easier said than done, but i think it's worth the effort. it's certainly a better use of energy than being a whiny woe-is-me debbie-downer and making your fellow singlefolk wanna punch you in the face.
so buck up, singles! put away that copy of 'the notebook' and take this blog like a lil nudge to the chin. if nothing else, be thankful that you have good friends and that you don't have a tail, prehensile or not.
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