new york, new york

a week ago, i returned from an exciting albeit exhausting vacation in the fabulous city of new york. i've been told by enumerable friends and acquaintances on countless occasions that i would love new york, that they could "totally see me" in new york, so on and so forth. i attribute generalizations like these to my penchant for multi-colored wackadoodle fashions and my aversion to all things that resemble anything that could be under any circumstances dubbed "outdoorsy". my expectations were high and i'm happy to report that i wasn't disappointed.


as i mentioned earlier, this vacation was anything but relaxing. i'm fairly confident i walked the entire breadth and length of the island of manhattan at least three or four times over during my nine-day stay. although i'm usually not a fan of excessive physical exertion, there was so much to see and it's a beautiful city to explore on foot. perhaps the greatest advantage of my pedestrianism was the opportunity to indulge my celebrity-obsessed depravity and put my IMDB-like robot brain to good use. NYC is chocked full of celebutantes and i've got a keen eye for even the most obscure specimen. i only had one day sans celebrity sighting so for my fellow perezzians and people-watchers, i present to you my definitive NYC celebrity sighting list [as maintained via my handy centro memo function]. hold on to your britches, young lads and ladies, there are some good ones!


DAY ONE:
- Ben Harper - the Shake Shack in Union Square Park. He was wearing a weird vinyl plaid coat and some pretty fly sneakers.

DAY TWO:
- Wilson Cruz AKA Ricky of My So Called Life - streets of the West Villiage. I don't think I can explain how excited I was about this one. I was hoping that someone could magically cue "What is Love" so that I could witness first-hand the glorious dance moves he demonstrated at World Happiness dance. I know you probably don't know what I'm talking about and I've thus disengaged 99% of my already meager blog readership [not your fault, I know I'm an inconsistent blogger] but trust me when I say, he is AMAZING [skip to the 5 min mark for the fabulosity].
- Courtney Cox & David Arquette - the Spotted Pig in the West Villiage. As my friend and I were making our exit, much to my shock and delight, none other than Monica Geller Bing was making her grand entrance! In my excitement, I accidentally kicked her husband in the shoe on my way out but I think he was too busy looking after his wife to notice or care. I'm happy to report that she's absolutely gorgeous in person not nearly as overly-botoxed as she appears as of late.

DAY THREE:
- no sightings. :(

DAY FOUR:
- Elijah Wood - streets of Soho. When I first spotted this diminutive hottie, I thought I was just checking out one of NYC's many adorably nerdy offerings. It took just a split second to realize that the mini-hunk I was beholding was none other than Frodo himself [although he'll always be North to me].
- Jesse L. Martin of Law & Order Fame - streets of Soho. This is probably one of those sightings that only a weirdo like me would spot but between my fellow Law & Order obsessed companion and myself, we spotted this tall drink o' water instantaneously. Admittedly, it took a lil IMDBing to figure out was his name was but his face was unmistakable.
- John Mayer - streets of Soho. He was zipping across the street late that night and again, it didn't take much to recognize his face. Thankfully, he wasn't making this face at the time.

DAY FIVE:
- James Franco - in front of NYU. It's one thing to be good-looking. Anyone can do that. But to be SMART too??? Ugh. Be still my nerdy heart! James Franco is currently pursuing a master's at NYU [i know this because of my aforementioned perez addiction] and as evidenced by the backpack he was wearing the time, he was actually GOING to class! Needless to say, I was beyond impressed.

DAY SIX:
- Al Roker - streets of Soho. I thought about asking him to wish my grandma a happy 97th birthday but besides the fact that my grandma is nowhere near 97, he was on his cell phone at the time.

DAY SEVEN:
- Michael Phelps' mom and (presumably) his sisters- near Time Square. Many friends have disputed Michael Phelps' mom's celebrity status but I would argue that since the camera was constantly cutting to his mom's reactions during his ubiquitous Olympic coverage this summer, she's a celebrity by association.

DAY EIGHT:
- Seth Meyers and a very preggers Amy Poehler - West Villiage. We spotted these two SNLers enjoying Sunday brunch and being generally very sweet and adorable. While they seemed to be quite friendly co-workers, the bun-in-the-oven actually belongs to none other than Gob of Arrested Development, Amy's Blades of Glory co-star.

DAY NINE:
- Maura Tierny - Pastis. I know that most of you just asked "Who the +bleep+ is Maura Tierny?" She's most recently known for her role on the post-Clooney seasons of ER but to me, she'll always be that girl from News Radio [one of the many 90's sitcoms that I LOVED].


there were undoubtedly celebrity sightings that even my keen eye missed but i think i did pretty good for my short stay. i also want to give honorable mention to a few other sightings that may or may not have been actual sightings:
- Jorge Garcia or Hurley, to you Lost fans. I asked my companions to confirm this sighting but we all concluded that it may or may not have been a random beardy big dude with curly hair and not necessarily Hurley himself.
- Regina Spektor. I don't quite know her face well enough to confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was her but after reviewing my google image results, I'm moderately confident that it was indeed her.
- Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter Fame. This one was definitely him and um-- ALL of him but I don't know that I can count it as a sighting since I did pay to see him. I caught his Broadway performance of the scandalicious Equus. I'm happy to report that despite the controversial premise of the play and the highly-publicized nudity, it was actually a exquisitely written and beautifully acted performance. I felt a little pervy enjoying it as much as I did but whatchugondo. I'm flesh and blood, damn it.


all in all, it was a WONDERFUL trip. i look forward to future visits and although i don't anticipate leaving seattle any time soon, i'm not discounting the possibility of NYC residence some day. stay tuned, kiddos.

happy birthday?

i've contemplated writing this blog for several weeks. i'm usually fairly hesitant to discuss serious issues on the internet, much less serious issues that pertain to my personal life. in fact, that's kind of true of my life in general i think. it's not that i consider my personal life to be such privileged information, i don't really have anything to hide. i guess i just don't really feel the need to share a whole lot. i've got a handful or less of people that i share my insides with and i don't really need much more than that. nevertheless, i feel like i should keep my friends informed on the important stuff and this topic in particular has been one that i've had trouble articulating to even my closest friends.

this sunday, i'm turning a quarter-of-a-century old. birthdays have never really been a big deal to me but this one is a different situation altogether. it's my first birthday without my cousin mike. mike's birthday is the day before mine so my entire life, i've never had birthday where i don't think about him as well.
as some of you guys may know, my family suffered a huge loss this past december and i'm afraid we're all still in various states of grieving. even now, it's hard to even think about him without breaking down. i can't even get through typing this without crying which is why i'm choosing to blog rather than attempt to talk about it the way i'd like to.

it was a tough decision figuring out how to celebrate my birthday or if i even should at all. i feel so incredibly lucky to have amazing friends who want to celebrate me and who i'd love to celebrate with but i don't know how to articulate how hard it's going to be this year. i change my mind every few seconds about what to do or not do. i have so much to celebrate, between my amazing year back home in seattle, amazing friends and an incredible family. even his life -- as painfully cut short as it was -- is certainly something worth celebrating. my younger cousin jane shares his birthday and she is certainly worth celebrating. the birthdays of two of my best friends in the whole world are the day after mine and they are certainly worth celebrating. and i know as cheesy as it sounds, mike would probably want me to celebrate too. it's just still really really hard and really really fresh.

so this is not a plea for sympathy, i've been so generously showered with understanding and sympathy by my incredible friends. i guess this is just an update of sorts. it's strange because every time i talk about my birthday, i want to follow it up with a disclaimer but i know that if i were to start, i wouldn't be able to get through it without tears. i dunno. i guess i'm at a loss as to what else to do at this point. it's not that i haven't wanted to talk about it but besides the fact that i can't talk about it without crying, i've been trying to avoid "that look" from my friends. it's a look of genuine care and sympathy but a look that makes it impossible not to cry. and not that i'm avoiding my grief or trying to be distracted from it, not that that's even possible. my good moods thus far haven't been and in the future will not be disingenuous and while i don't want to preemptively predict a tear-filled birthday, the reality is, this year may just be that. and maybe it won't, i don't know. i guess the only way i know how to articulate this spot i am in is by saying more or less what i said in december: there is no right way to grieve when you're dealing with a circumstance that is so incredibly wrong. and the inverse is also true, there's no wrong way either.

i appreciate your patience and understanding in the meantime.

if left to my own devices

i am the quintessential night owl. if it were up to me and didn't have pesky responsibilities like school and work and blahblahbler, i'd probably go to sleep at around 7am every night and get up... well, when i felt like it. which would most likely happen sometime between 3 and 5pm. but being the disciplined young lass that i am, the past several nights i've been going to bed at the early hour of 4am instead. how do i pass the time, you ask? by doing what any disciplined young lass would do: play lots of facebook word games while watching reruns of law & order: criminal intent. duh.

i'm not sure what the appeal of the wee hours of the morning is-- er, are. umm-- is/are. perhaps it's the absence of distraction [i don't consider computer games and television to be "distractions"; i call them brain fuel thankyouverymuch]. i also find that i'm most creative late at night [you're currently reaping the benefits in blog form -- you're welcome, by the way]. allz i know is, i love sleeping, but i hate waking up and i LOVE staying up. i'm not sure how to reconsile these somewhat conflicting passions in a practical way since i can't seem to go to sleep before midnight for the life of me. if i were able to trick myself into thinking that going to bed at 7pm was fun, i could get the eleven or twelve hours of sleep my body so yearns for. but then i'd miss out on all the fun tv and what kind of life is that, hmm? no life at all, as far as i'm concerned.

but alas... my body betrays me and my eyes are currently doing that perpetual tearing thing spurned by relentless yawning. i guess i should go to sleep since i had to get up so early today -- noon. yeesh.

g'nite gars and goils.

happy anniversary to me

i'm a few weeks late but this is me wishing myself a happy one-year anniversary! it's now been over a year since i moved back home to seattle. and this is the part of my anniversary blog where i spout out all the cliché truths:
time has flown by!
i can't believe it's been a year already!
i can't believe it's only been a year already!
a stitch in time saves NINE! [i dunno what that one means either.]

naw but for realz though, it's been an incredible year. i miss my nashville friends a WHOLE lot but i have also been incredibly blessed to have made some of the best friends of my lifetime. i am so fortunate to have found an amazing church. i'm a lucky, lucky gal and being the nerd that i am, i LOVE being back in school. i blame that last bit for my inconsistent blogging. the good news is, i'm taking creative writing classes this quarter and next quarter so i'm going to have plenty of material cut and paste into my blog for your consumption. after all, isn't that what blogging is for? getting supplemental validation that i may or may not be getting from my teachers???

umm.
yeah.

true story

this afternoon i turned in my final paper for my cultural studies class with mere minutes to spare before the deadline. being the studious young gal that i am, i started this paper at about 10am this morning and by 2:45pm, had churned out seven pages of earth-shattering, ideology-destabalizing, smarter-person-making academic gold [GOLD i tell you! muahahahahahahaha!!!!]. i handed it over to my instructor at about 2:55pm and apologized preemptively for the aneurysm she would surely suffer once she read my paper and her brain exploded from all the complex genius therein. she wiped the single tear from her eye and thanked me profusely for lending my vast intellect to her insignificant little english class for an entire quarter. i told her to quit bowing, back-handed her for her insolence, and sashayed out of her office with a tip of my hat and an exaggerated wink for good measure.

in other news, i've spent the last few hours pretending like i was going to start work on the take-home final for my ethnic studies class due on wednesday. instead, i've been farting around on the internet, sucking down yet another mug of delicious happy juice [i believe the common folk call it "coffee"], listing to the this american life podcast [i totally have a crush on ira glass], playing about a dozen games of cellphone solitaire [several dozen, if i'm honest] and ultimately writing this very blog. i've recently been questioning the significance of this very blog as i haven't been inundated with praise or thanksgiving in comment form as of late. i was expecting at LEAST a "LOLZ! ur so funney!" or seven in response to my last blog but alas, no such luck. it looks like i'll have to continue settling for the validation i get from the academic world.

now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to pretend like i'm gonna start working on my next epic intellectual masterpiece [i.e. play some more solitaire, check perez for the millionth time and maybe check youtube for FOTC clips or something].

dead beat blogger

i know i am, it's true.

to the kind people who have checked back on this blog every so often, i apologize for not rewarding your efforts with one of my literary [cyber-ary?] gemz. truth be told, i've had every intention of blogging several times on several different topics but an incredible amount of my brain energy gets sucked up by school these days. the remaining brain energy gets sucked up by online social networking sites and celebrity blogs every time i sit in front of a computer. by the time i think to blog, my synapses are firing at the rate of a nerf bow and arrow [and not the kind with the convenient ammo storage attached, i'm talkin OLD skool nerf. mmhmm. you know what i'm talkin bout].

nevertheless, earlier this evening i decided that i wanted to blog but wasn't in front of a computer at the time so i told myself, i said "jDawg [i call myself jDawg sometimes], youz GOSTA blizzeryblogg, yo!" [when i call myself jDawg, i also like to speak in the kind of pseudo-Ebonics employed by caucasian actors in racially insensitive comedies]

so despite the fact that it's nearly 2am and despite the fact that i've got class in the morning and despite the fact that i'm risking writing brainless drivel as much of my meager brain energy has been sucked by the aforementioned social networking sites and celebrity blogs, i am indeed blogging. and what am i blogging about? astrology.

now i know as a Bible-believing Christian, i'm not supposed to believe in horoscopes and i'm supposed to sprinkle holy water on zodiac books and stuff. and though by no means do i subscribe unequivocally to astrology, i must admit that i've found elements to be true or at least applicable to my life. for example, i'm a cancer which is a water sign and water signs are characteristically sensitive to the cycles of the moon. on several occasions i've discovered that my bouts of crazy seem to come right around time time the moon is full. and sure, that could be a complete cop out but ya know what? i don't really mind. milli-vanilli got to blame the rain and win a grammy [nevermind that it got taken away], i'd like to take comfort in blaming the moon and thank the bathroom mirror for my imaginary grammys, all 7 of them [*sniff* do you smell a full moon?]. so rather than facing the distinct possibility that i am, in fact, coockoo-bananas from the inside-out i'd really appreciate it if you would kindly spare me obvious logical counterargument pleaseandthankyou.

the other concrete indisputable evidence i have to further solidify my confidence in the stars is the weekly horoscope provided by my favorite local publication, the stranger. there's a section in the back of the paper right above the "i saw u" section [ by the bye, it's totally a life goal of mine to be spotted and published in this section one day, even if it's by a creepy dude with zero social skills and a wicked case of yellow-fever. what can i say? i love validation.] where was i? oh yes. right above the "i saw you" section is the "freewill astrologer" written by a this dude rob brezsny who i'm pretty positive could either be my best friend or one of the aforementioned creepy dudes with zero social skills and a wicked case of yellow fever. either way, he seems to have a handle on my particular brand of neurosis and the proof is in the pudding. i give you this week's cancer horoscope:

"Dear Rob: My mother tells me I'm fat but feeds me pork rinds. My strongest supporter is a person I want to wrap up like a mummy, put in a canoe, and push out into the middle of the lake. My exuberant imagination has taken me hostage, violating its own principles. I'm so completely ambivalent and indecisive about everything that even my addictive nature can't figure out what to be addicted to. I'd embrace my contradictions if i could, but I can't because they've got me surrounded like a pink-haired, crossdressing SWAT team frothed up on Red Bull. Can you point me in the direction of the exit from this circus-like hell? - Crazy Crab." Dear Crazy: I detect a lot of wit and style in your meditations. Maybe that's the purpose of the limbo you're temporarily lost in: It's an opportunity to build your skill at being lively and feisty and smart no matter what your circumstances are.

gah. i read it and i felt like Rob had read the inside of my brain on a tuesday or something. granted, i feel obligated to submit the following disclaimers, which i suppose aren't necessarily disclaimers since they're coming AFTER you've already read that horoscope... um, so i submit to you the following proclaimers [not to be confused with the scottish dudes that sing that "500 miles" song]:
-- my mother doesn't feed me pork rinds although she sometimes tells me i would be more attractive if i lost 20 pounds -- but she says this with love. well-meaning, sorta-misguided, culturally-mistranslated, i-don't-have-body-dismorphic-disorder-by-the-grace-of-God love.
-- i don't actually want to mummify my strongest supporter. my supporters are all quite fantastic and i'm sure that the strongest of them could easily beat me up real bad or at the very least outrun me as i'm not quite in peak physical shape. plus i'm not really a big fan of running in the first place so i'm certainly not vindictive enough to go through all the trouble of exerting such significant physical energy for the purposes of mummifying somebody who thinks i'm awesome.
-- my addictive personality has DEFINITELY picked something to be addicted to: cell-phone solitaire. i thought i might be able to curb my appetite for that delicious techno-card game what with post-Lent and all but it seems those teeny little cards have captured my heart and my attention indefinitely. i may need to consult some kind of 12-step program soon. do they have cell-phone solitaire rehab? hmm...

other than that, this Rob kid sorta has me pegged i think. at times i get so freaking overwhelmed by the myriad of possible life choices in front of me, i fail to actually choose one and instead invent unlikely scenarios complete with gilmore-girls-esque dialogue and law-and-order:SVU-esque turns of plot [minus all the unpleasant sexual crime and murder and shizz]. i get so caught up in trying to hyper analyze possible outcomes that i am paralyzed and incapable of actually seeing an outcome come to fruition in real life. Rob's horoscope may not have provided me with predictions of the best day this week for love [thank you, Cosmo for supplementing Rob's neglect] nor with any winning lotto numbers [thank you, pan-Asian "Chinese" restaurants for the same] but he did give me this: some good ol' fashioned understanding. when you're as neurotic as i am, all that thinking can be isolating and you can sometimes fool yourself into believing that you're somehow tragically unique and beyond the reaches of anyone's true understanding. so color me crazy and call me delusional but no matter how shallow and weird it makes me, i take comfort in knowing that even the most obscure and wacky crevices of my brain are not completely mysterious to all of humandom. i welcome any and all evidence of understanding, even if in the form of horoscope found adjacent to an advertisement for transsexual escorts [pre-op].

testing, testing... one, two, three.

not only have i blogged about this topic already, i'm recycling an old blog title [although in my defense, the subject matter was entirely different and in fact, it wasn't even on this blog]. nevertheless, i'm clearly at some kind of rock bottom or at least a rock middle. but i digress...

i think i may be a bit of an anomaly. [not to be confused with an amelie, although at times, i feel as though i might be one of them as well. wishful thinking maybe? whatev.]

i'm not one of those performance-driven Asian kids with the sparkling school transcripts and ridiculously high test scores. i am a contradiction to the socially constructed stereotypes years of hegemony and discrimination have established [they teach me big words in school]. although i am in fact a nerd in my heart of hearts, it's not the grades that fuel my nerdy fire. i love school because i love learning and to be honest, i rather resent tests. i feel like tests take my focus away from synthesizing concepts and applying them to the world; instead i'm forced to roboticly memorize facts and terms. i understand that i need to have a firm understanding of the aforementioned facts and terms in order to situate the things i'm learning in history and develop context for the aforementioned concepts but GAH! it all feels really freakin tedious. and as wacky as it makes me, i would much rather write a five page paper on this ish than sit for two hours trying to recall definitions, dates and the names of scholars.

so instead of studying, i'm blogging. i know that one of my post-Lent commitments was to be more studious but... well, i have no real excuse. i would blame my "nature" but the problem with synthesizing concepts and applying them to real life is that you figure out that you can't take terms like "human nature" and "common sense" for granted as they are often the products of socially constructed dominant ideology. *sigh* so i'm effed either way. go fig.

racial profiling

i know racism is wrong.
but when confronted with evidence like this:

you HAVE to admit,
Korean babies are the cutest.


we win.

singing songs

i've had the privilege and pleasure of playing music publicly twice in the last couple weeks. before that, it had been about a year and half since i had attempted to play more than one of my songs for an audience. i expounded a little bit on my previous blog about the things that have been holding me back but it's funny how the simple act of putting myself out there and doing what i've been talking about doing has already dispelled a lot of my apprehensions. am i exactly where i want to be? no. am i making exactly the kind of music i'd like to make? not yet. but i am out there and i am doing something and ya know what? it's kinda nice. i'm finding that despite all my insecurities and shortcomings, somehow what i'm doing is connecting with people and really, isn't that the whole point? yes. yes it is.

so thank you everyone for your encouragement. thank you to the people who were able to make it to the shows. thank you to everyone who has listened to me talk about my dreams and pushed me to turn that talk into action. thank you thank you thank YOU.

in other news, post lent is going very well. already i feel a lot more balanced and myself. it's funny how much self-improvement takes place when you take the focus off of yourself. go fig.


p.s. i made myself one of those superhip myspace music pages. granted, there isn't any music on it quite yet, but there will be eventually, hopefully sooner than later. so hollaback, kiddos.

not okay

i confess, i've been a TERRIBLE blogger.

turns out when you actually do your readings for class, it sucks up your fun superfluous internet time. i mean don't get me wrong, i still check all my online social networking sites a shameful number of times a day but blogs take time and thought and i don't have a whole lot of time or a whole lot of thought to spare these days.

i will expound albeit concisely [for me, anyhow] about the exciting things unfolding in my future. ladies and gentlemen, in the next two weeks i will be playing not one but TWO shows! bum-ba-da-BUMMMM!!! while i should be thrilled at this opportunity [somewhere deep down i am, i promise] i'm also terrified and i mean TERRIFIED. playing out is something that i know i've got to do and something i know i should have been doing but i don't know... it's SUPER DUPER scary. even more than a fear of failure, i have an INTENSE fear of mediocrity. i've been justifying my reluctance to play out by reasoning that i would rather play nothing than play something that's just okay. there are millions of okay songs out there by millions of okay writers sung my millions of okay singers -- i don't want to be one of them. i don't want to make boring music, i don't want to be a boring singer/songerwriter, i don't want to contribute to the dumbing down of culture in our society. not that i have these lofty aspirations of making super pretentious "high art" [whatever that means anymore] but i know that i want to do something real and something new -- a tall order in this day and age.

but i know that i've got to do SOMETHING first. even if that something isn't awesome or earth shattering... even if that something exposes me and my lack of sophistication... even if that means that someone will think i suck. i'm not gonna just land at greatness out of the simple desire to be awesome or out of a fear mediocrity. i'm gonna have to endure my own crap. i've got some growing to do.


...
[know what those are?]
baby steps.