Tuesday, March 16, 2010

excited to go but so sad to leave

i'm guessing that 99% of my blog readers are connected to me by via some other form of social media so i'm just going to assume that you all heard the fantastic news: i got accepted to Teach For America! it's been a week since i officially got the word and i'll be honest, it's still quite surreal. i don't know who's in charge over there at TFA but it was some shmuck's bright idea to put me in charge of a high school (possibly middle school?) English class somewhere in the city of Philadelphia next fall. (yeesh) and you may or may not be aware of the fact that Philadelphia was indeed my first choice so the already surreal news that i got accepted has been made that much more surreal knowing that i got my first choice. i've been not-so-secretly daydreaming about living in Philly ever since my fantastic visit last September so this really is a (day)dream come true. [rim shot!]

all kidding aside, even though i am beyond elated and beyond excited to get to teach next year in the fabulous city of brotherly love, i'm also incredibly broken up about leaving Seattle. the past two and a half years have been filled to the brim with learning, growing, connecting, reconnecting, and perhaps most of all, healing. i've been reminded of who i once was and inspired to be more than i ever thought i could be. sounds cheesy but it is the absolute truth. between my amazing friends, my amazing church, my amazing band and my AMAZING family... i honestly don't even know what to say. i'm just so, SO grateful.

i hope that those of you here in Seattle won't mistake my excitement for this next season with a desire to leave. despite all my daydreaming, i honestly don't even know how to tell you how painful and difficult it is for me to imagine my life away from home. tonight my dad -- who by the way has been so supportive, so proud and (i'm sure) so pumped about me being gainfully employed -- my dad told me tonight in his most forcibly nonchalant tone, "i really don't want you to go." and i know what he meant, i know he understands that i feel like i have to do this, and i know in his own way, he's excited for me too. but man... hearing him say what i know he's been feeling all week -- honestly it just rips my heart right out.

i don't know that there's really any point to this entry other than to maybe warn my Seattle friends that for the next three months, i'll probably be a bit more prone to tears than usual. and if any of my Philly friends are reading, i guess i should warn you that i may be a little teary for the first few days or weeks or however long it takes for me to work this sadness out of my system. i'm sure once i actually get to start teaching, my sadness will be curbed by all the excitement, anticipation and (let's be real) stress that will surely come with this new venture. sooner or later, i should be back to my normal drama-free self but i'll thank you in advance for your patience with this unusually sensitive version of me.

those of you that know me know that words are hardly ever a struggle for me but i really don't know what else to say about this boggled mix of emotion that is currently masquerading as myself. just -- thank you. and i love you. a lot.