i'm a few weeks late but this is me wishing myself a happy one-year anniversary! it's now been over a year since i moved back home to seattle. and this is the part of my anniversary blog where i spout out all the cliché truths:
time has flown by!
i can't believe it's been a year already!
i can't believe it's only been a year already!
a stitch in time saves NINE! [i dunno what that one means either.]
naw but for realz though, it's been an incredible year. i miss my nashville friends a WHOLE lot but i have also been incredibly blessed to have made some of the best friends of my lifetime. i am so fortunate to have found an amazing church. i'm a lucky, lucky gal and being the nerd that i am, i LOVE being back in school. i blame that last bit for my inconsistent blogging. the good news is, i'm taking creative writing classes this quarter and next quarter so i'm going to have plenty of material cut and paste into my blog for your consumption. after all, isn't that what blogging is for? getting supplemental validation that i may or may not be getting from my teachers???
umm.
yeah.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
true story
this afternoon i turned in my final paper for my cultural studies class with mere minutes to spare before the deadline. being the studious young gal that i am, i started this paper at about 10am this morning and by 2:45pm, had churned out seven pages of earth-shattering, ideology-destabalizing, smarter-person-making academic gold [GOLD i tell you! muahahahahahahaha!!!!]. i handed it over to my instructor at about 2:55pm and apologized preemptively for the aneurysm she would surely suffer once she read my paper and her brain exploded from all the complex genius therein. she wiped the single tear from her eye and thanked me profusely for lending my vast intellect to her insignificant little english class for an entire quarter. i told her to quit bowing, back-handed her for her insolence, and sashayed out of her office with a tip of my hat and an exaggerated wink for good measure.
in other news, i've spent the last few hours pretending like i was going to start work on the take-home final for my ethnic studies class due on wednesday. instead, i've been farting around on the internet, sucking down yet another mug of delicious happy juice [i believe the common folk call it "coffee"], listing to the this american life podcast [i totally have a crush on ira glass], playing about a dozen games of cellphone solitaire [several dozen, if i'm honest] and ultimately writing this very blog. i've recently been questioning the significance of this very blog as i haven't been inundated with praise or thanksgiving in comment form as of late. i was expecting at LEAST a "LOLZ! ur so funney!" or seven in response to my last blog but alas, no such luck. it looks like i'll have to continue settling for the validation i get from the academic world.
now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to pretend like i'm gonna start working on my next epic intellectual masterpiece [i.e. play some more solitaire, check perez for the millionth time and maybe check youtube for FOTC clips or something].
in other news, i've spent the last few hours pretending like i was going to start work on the take-home final for my ethnic studies class due on wednesday. instead, i've been farting around on the internet, sucking down yet another mug of delicious happy juice [i believe the common folk call it "coffee"], listing to the this american life podcast [i totally have a crush on ira glass], playing about a dozen games of cellphone solitaire [several dozen, if i'm honest] and ultimately writing this very blog. i've recently been questioning the significance of this very blog as i haven't been inundated with praise or thanksgiving in comment form as of late. i was expecting at LEAST a "LOLZ! ur so funney!" or seven in response to my last blog but alas, no such luck. it looks like i'll have to continue settling for the validation i get from the academic world.
now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to pretend like i'm gonna start working on my next epic intellectual masterpiece [i.e. play some more solitaire, check perez for the millionth time and maybe check youtube for FOTC clips or something].
Monday, June 2, 2008
dead beat blogger
i know i am, it's true.
to the kind people who have checked back on this blog every so often, i apologize for not rewarding your efforts with one of my literary [cyber-ary?] gemz. truth be told, i've had every intention of blogging several times on several different topics but an incredible amount of my brain energy gets sucked up by school these days. the remaining brain energy gets sucked up by online social networking sites and celebrity blogs every time i sit in front of a computer. by the time i think to blog, my synapses are firing at the rate of a nerf bow and arrow [and not the kind with the convenient ammo storage attached, i'm talkin OLD skool nerf. mmhmm. you know what i'm talkin bout].
nevertheless, earlier this evening i decided that i wanted to blog but wasn't in front of a computer at the time so i told myself, i said "jDawg [i call myself jDawg sometimes], youz GOSTA blizzeryblogg, yo!" [when i call myself jDawg, i also like to speak in the kind of pseudo-Ebonics employed by caucasian actors in racially insensitive comedies]
so despite the fact that it's nearly 2am and despite the fact that i've got class in the morning and despite the fact that i'm risking writing brainless drivel as much of my meager brain energy has been sucked by the aforementioned social networking sites and celebrity blogs, i am indeed blogging. and what am i blogging about? astrology.
now i know as a Bible-believing Christian, i'm not supposed to believe in horoscopes and i'm supposed to sprinkle holy water on zodiac books and stuff. and though by no means do i subscribe unequivocally to astrology, i must admit that i've found elements to be true or at least applicable to my life. for example, i'm a cancer which is a water sign and water signs are characteristically sensitive to the cycles of the moon. on several occasions i've discovered that my bouts of crazy seem to come right around time time the moon is full. and sure, that could be a complete cop out but ya know what? i don't really mind. milli-vanilli got to blame the rain and win a grammy [nevermind that it got taken away], i'd like to take comfort in blaming the moon and thank the bathroom mirror for my imaginary grammys, all 7 of them [*sniff* do you smell a full moon?]. so rather than facing the distinct possibility that i am, in fact, coockoo-bananas from the inside-out i'd really appreciate it if you would kindly spare me obvious logical counterargument pleaseandthankyou.
the other concrete indisputable evidence i have to further solidify my confidence in the stars is the weekly horoscope provided by my favorite local publication, the stranger. there's a section in the back of the paper right above the "i saw u" section [ by the bye, it's totally a life goal of mine to be spotted and published in this section one day, even if it's by a creepy dude with zero social skills and a wicked case of yellow-fever. what can i say? i love validation.] where was i? oh yes. right above the "i saw you" section is the "freewill astrologer" written by a this dude rob brezsny who i'm pretty positive could either be my best friend or one of the aforementioned creepy dudes with zero social skills and a wicked case of yellow fever. either way, he seems to have a handle on my particular brand of neurosis and the proof is in the pudding. i give you this week's cancer horoscope:
"Dear Rob: My mother tells me I'm fat but feeds me pork rinds. My strongest supporter is a person I want to wrap up like a mummy, put in a canoe, and push out into the middle of the lake. My exuberant imagination has taken me hostage, violating its own principles. I'm so completely ambivalent and indecisive about everything that even my addictive nature can't figure out what to be addicted to. I'd embrace my contradictions if i could, but I can't because they've got me surrounded like a pink-haired, crossdressing SWAT team frothed up on Red Bull. Can you point me in the direction of the exit from this circus-like hell? - Crazy Crab." Dear Crazy: I detect a lot of wit and style in your meditations. Maybe that's the purpose of the limbo you're temporarily lost in: It's an opportunity to build your skill at being lively and feisty and smart no matter what your circumstances are.
gah. i read it and i felt like Rob had read the inside of my brain on a tuesday or something. granted, i feel obligated to submit the following disclaimers, which i suppose aren't necessarily disclaimers since they're coming AFTER you've already read that horoscope... um, so i submit to you the following proclaimers [not to be confused with the scottish dudes that sing that "500 miles" song]:
-- my mother doesn't feed me pork rinds although she sometimes tells me i would be more attractive if i lost 20 pounds -- but she says this with love. well-meaning, sorta-misguided, culturally-mistranslated, i-don't-have-body-dismorphic-disorder-by-the-grace-of-God love.
-- i don't actually want to mummify my strongest supporter. my supporters are all quite fantastic and i'm sure that the strongest of them could easily beat me up real bad or at the very least outrun me as i'm not quite in peak physical shape. plus i'm not really a big fan of running in the first place so i'm certainly not vindictive enough to go through all the trouble of exerting such significant physical energy for the purposes of mummifying somebody who thinks i'm awesome.
-- my addictive personality has DEFINITELY picked something to be addicted to: cell-phone solitaire. i thought i might be able to curb my appetite for that delicious techno-card game what with post-Lent and all but it seems those teeny little cards have captured my heart and my attention indefinitely. i may need to consult some kind of 12-step program soon. do they have cell-phone solitaire rehab? hmm...
other than that, this Rob kid sorta has me pegged i think. at times i get so freaking overwhelmed by the myriad of possible life choices in front of me, i fail to actually choose one and instead invent unlikely scenarios complete with gilmore-girls-esque dialogue and law-and-order:SVU-esque turns of plot [minus all the unpleasant sexual crime and murder and shizz]. i get so caught up in trying to hyper analyze possible outcomes that i am paralyzed and incapable of actually seeing an outcome come to fruition in real life. Rob's horoscope may not have provided me with predictions of the best day this week for love [thank you, Cosmo for supplementing Rob's neglect] nor with any winning lotto numbers [thank you, pan-Asian "Chinese" restaurants for the same] but he did give me this: some good ol' fashioned understanding. when you're as neurotic as i am, all that thinking can be isolating and you can sometimes fool yourself into believing that you're somehow tragically unique and beyond the reaches of anyone's true understanding. so color me crazy and call me delusional but no matter how shallow and weird it makes me, i take comfort in knowing that even the most obscure and wacky crevices of my brain are not completely mysterious to all of humandom. i welcome any and all evidence of understanding, even if in the form of horoscope found adjacent to an advertisement for transsexual escorts [pre-op].
to the kind people who have checked back on this blog every so often, i apologize for not rewarding your efforts with one of my literary [cyber-ary?] gemz. truth be told, i've had every intention of blogging several times on several different topics but an incredible amount of my brain energy gets sucked up by school these days. the remaining brain energy gets sucked up by online social networking sites and celebrity blogs every time i sit in front of a computer. by the time i think to blog, my synapses are firing at the rate of a nerf bow and arrow [and not the kind with the convenient ammo storage attached, i'm talkin OLD skool nerf. mmhmm. you know what i'm talkin bout].
nevertheless, earlier this evening i decided that i wanted to blog but wasn't in front of a computer at the time so i told myself, i said "jDawg [i call myself jDawg sometimes], youz GOSTA blizzeryblogg, yo!" [when i call myself jDawg, i also like to speak in the kind of pseudo-Ebonics employed by caucasian actors in racially insensitive comedies]
so despite the fact that it's nearly 2am and despite the fact that i've got class in the morning and despite the fact that i'm risking writing brainless drivel as much of my meager brain energy has been sucked by the aforementioned social networking sites and celebrity blogs, i am indeed blogging. and what am i blogging about? astrology.
now i know as a Bible-believing Christian, i'm not supposed to believe in horoscopes and i'm supposed to sprinkle holy water on zodiac books and stuff. and though by no means do i subscribe unequivocally to astrology, i must admit that i've found elements to be true or at least applicable to my life. for example, i'm a cancer which is a water sign and water signs are characteristically sensitive to the cycles of the moon. on several occasions i've discovered that my bouts of crazy seem to come right around time time the moon is full. and sure, that could be a complete cop out but ya know what? i don't really mind. milli-vanilli got to blame the rain and win a grammy [nevermind that it got taken away], i'd like to take comfort in blaming the moon and thank the bathroom mirror for my imaginary grammys, all 7 of them [*sniff* do you smell a full moon?]. so rather than facing the distinct possibility that i am, in fact, coockoo-bananas from the inside-out i'd really appreciate it if you would kindly spare me obvious logical counterargument pleaseandthankyou.
the other concrete indisputable evidence i have to further solidify my confidence in the stars is the weekly horoscope provided by my favorite local publication, the stranger. there's a section in the back of the paper right above the "i saw u" section [ by the bye, it's totally a life goal of mine to be spotted and published in this section one day, even if it's by a creepy dude with zero social skills and a wicked case of yellow-fever. what can i say? i love validation.] where was i? oh yes. right above the "i saw you" section is the "freewill astrologer" written by a this dude rob brezsny who i'm pretty positive could either be my best friend or one of the aforementioned creepy dudes with zero social skills and a wicked case of yellow fever. either way, he seems to have a handle on my particular brand of neurosis and the proof is in the pudding. i give you this week's cancer horoscope:
"Dear Rob: My mother tells me I'm fat but feeds me pork rinds. My strongest supporter is a person I want to wrap up like a mummy, put in a canoe, and push out into the middle of the lake. My exuberant imagination has taken me hostage, violating its own principles. I'm so completely ambivalent and indecisive about everything that even my addictive nature can't figure out what to be addicted to. I'd embrace my contradictions if i could, but I can't because they've got me surrounded like a pink-haired, crossdressing SWAT team frothed up on Red Bull. Can you point me in the direction of the exit from this circus-like hell? - Crazy Crab." Dear Crazy: I detect a lot of wit and style in your meditations. Maybe that's the purpose of the limbo you're temporarily lost in: It's an opportunity to build your skill at being lively and feisty and smart no matter what your circumstances are.
gah. i read it and i felt like Rob had read the inside of my brain on a tuesday or something. granted, i feel obligated to submit the following disclaimers, which i suppose aren't necessarily disclaimers since they're coming AFTER you've already read that horoscope... um, so i submit to you the following proclaimers [not to be confused with the scottish dudes that sing that "500 miles" song]:
-- my mother doesn't feed me pork rinds although she sometimes tells me i would be more attractive if i lost 20 pounds -- but she says this with love. well-meaning, sorta-misguided, culturally-mistranslated, i-don't-have-body-dismorphic-disorder-by-the-grace-of-God love.
-- i don't actually want to mummify my strongest supporter. my supporters are all quite fantastic and i'm sure that the strongest of them could easily beat me up real bad or at the very least outrun me as i'm not quite in peak physical shape. plus i'm not really a big fan of running in the first place so i'm certainly not vindictive enough to go through all the trouble of exerting such significant physical energy for the purposes of mummifying somebody who thinks i'm awesome.
-- my addictive personality has DEFINITELY picked something to be addicted to: cell-phone solitaire. i thought i might be able to curb my appetite for that delicious techno-card game what with post-Lent and all but it seems those teeny little cards have captured my heart and my attention indefinitely. i may need to consult some kind of 12-step program soon. do they have cell-phone solitaire rehab? hmm...
other than that, this Rob kid sorta has me pegged i think. at times i get so freaking overwhelmed by the myriad of possible life choices in front of me, i fail to actually choose one and instead invent unlikely scenarios complete with gilmore-girls-esque dialogue and law-and-order:SVU-esque turns of plot [minus all the unpleasant sexual crime and murder and shizz]. i get so caught up in trying to hyper analyze possible outcomes that i am paralyzed and incapable of actually seeing an outcome come to fruition in real life. Rob's horoscope may not have provided me with predictions of the best day this week for love [thank you, Cosmo for supplementing Rob's neglect] nor with any winning lotto numbers [thank you, pan-Asian "Chinese" restaurants for the same] but he did give me this: some good ol' fashioned understanding. when you're as neurotic as i am, all that thinking can be isolating and you can sometimes fool yourself into believing that you're somehow tragically unique and beyond the reaches of anyone's true understanding. so color me crazy and call me delusional but no matter how shallow and weird it makes me, i take comfort in knowing that even the most obscure and wacky crevices of my brain are not completely mysterious to all of humandom. i welcome any and all evidence of understanding, even if in the form of horoscope found adjacent to an advertisement for transsexual escorts [pre-op].
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
testing, testing... one, two, three.
not only have i blogged about this topic already, i'm recycling an old blog title [although in my defense, the subject matter was entirely different and in fact, it wasn't even on this blog]. nevertheless, i'm clearly at some kind of rock bottom or at least a rock middle. but i digress...
i think i may be a bit of an anomaly. [not to be confused with an amelie, although at times, i feel as though i might be one of them as well. wishful thinking maybe? whatev.]
i'm not one of those performance-driven Asian kids with the sparkling school transcripts and ridiculously high test scores. i am a contradiction to the socially constructed stereotypes years of hegemony and discrimination have established [they teach me big words in school]. although i am in fact a nerd in my heart of hearts, it's not the grades that fuel my nerdy fire. i love school because i love learning and to be honest, i rather resent tests. i feel like tests take my focus away from synthesizing concepts and applying them to the world; instead i'm forced to roboticly memorize facts and terms. i understand that i need to have a firm understanding of the aforementioned facts and terms in order to situate the things i'm learning in history and develop context for the aforementioned concepts but GAH! it all feels really freakin tedious. and as wacky as it makes me, i would much rather write a five page paper on this ish than sit for two hours trying to recall definitions, dates and the names of scholars.
so instead of studying, i'm blogging. i know that one of my post-Lent commitments was to be more studious but... well, i have no real excuse. i would blame my "nature" but the problem with synthesizing concepts and applying them to real life is that you figure out that you can't take terms like "human nature" and "common sense" for granted as they are often the products of socially constructed dominant ideology. *sigh* so i'm effed either way. go fig.
i think i may be a bit of an anomaly. [not to be confused with an amelie, although at times, i feel as though i might be one of them as well. wishful thinking maybe? whatev.]
i'm not one of those performance-driven Asian kids with the sparkling school transcripts and ridiculously high test scores. i am a contradiction to the socially constructed stereotypes years of hegemony and discrimination have established [they teach me big words in school]. although i am in fact a nerd in my heart of hearts, it's not the grades that fuel my nerdy fire. i love school because i love learning and to be honest, i rather resent tests. i feel like tests take my focus away from synthesizing concepts and applying them to the world; instead i'm forced to roboticly memorize facts and terms. i understand that i need to have a firm understanding of the aforementioned facts and terms in order to situate the things i'm learning in history and develop context for the aforementioned concepts but GAH! it all feels really freakin tedious. and as wacky as it makes me, i would much rather write a five page paper on this ish than sit for two hours trying to recall definitions, dates and the names of scholars.
so instead of studying, i'm blogging. i know that one of my post-Lent commitments was to be more studious but... well, i have no real excuse. i would blame my "nature" but the problem with synthesizing concepts and applying them to real life is that you figure out that you can't take terms like "human nature" and "common sense" for granted as they are often the products of socially constructed dominant ideology. *sigh* so i'm effed either way. go fig.
Monday, April 21, 2008
racial profiling
i know racism is wrong.
but when confronted with evidence like this:
you HAVE to admit,
Korean babies are the cutest.
we win.
but when confronted with evidence like this:
you HAVE to admit,
Korean babies are the cutest.
we win.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
singing songs
i've had the privilege and pleasure of playing music publicly twice in the last couple weeks. before that, it had been about a year and half since i had attempted to play more than one of my songs for an audience. i expounded a little bit on my previous blog about the things that have been holding me back but it's funny how the simple act of putting myself out there and doing what i've been talking about doing has already dispelled a lot of my apprehensions. am i exactly where i want to be? no. am i making exactly the kind of music i'd like to make? not yet. but i am out there and i am doing something and ya know what? it's kinda nice. i'm finding that despite all my insecurities and shortcomings, somehow what i'm doing is connecting with people and really, isn't that the whole point? yes. yes it is.
so thank you everyone for your encouragement. thank you to the people who were able to make it to the shows. thank you to everyone who has listened to me talk about my dreams and pushed me to turn that talk into action. thank you thank you thank YOU.
in other news, post lent is going very well. already i feel a lot more balanced and myself. it's funny how much self-improvement takes place when you take the focus off of yourself. go fig.
p.s. i made myself one of those superhip myspace music pages. granted, there isn't any music on it quite yet, but there will be eventually, hopefully sooner than later. so hollaback, kiddos.
so thank you everyone for your encouragement. thank you to the people who were able to make it to the shows. thank you to everyone who has listened to me talk about my dreams and pushed me to turn that talk into action. thank you thank you thank YOU.
in other news, post lent is going very well. already i feel a lot more balanced and myself. it's funny how much self-improvement takes place when you take the focus off of yourself. go fig.
p.s. i made myself one of those superhip myspace music pages. granted, there isn't any music on it quite yet, but there will be eventually, hopefully sooner than later. so hollaback, kiddos.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
not okay
i confess, i've been a TERRIBLE blogger.
turns out when you actually do your readings for class, it sucks up your fun superfluous internet time. i mean don't get me wrong, i still check all my online social networking sites a shameful number of times a day but blogs take time and thought and i don't have a whole lot of time or a whole lot of thought to spare these days.
i will expound albeit concisely [for me, anyhow] about the exciting things unfolding in my future. ladies and gentlemen, in the next two weeks i will be playing not one but TWO shows! bum-ba-da-BUMMMM!!! while i should be thrilled at this opportunity [somewhere deep down i am, i promise] i'm also terrified and i mean TERRIFIED. playing out is something that i know i've got to do and something i know i should have been doing but i don't know... it's SUPER DUPER scary. even more than a fear of failure, i have an INTENSE fear of mediocrity. i've been justifying my reluctance to play out by reasoning that i would rather play nothing than play something that's just okay. there are millions of okay songs out there by millions of okay writers sung my millions of okay singers -- i don't want to be one of them. i don't want to make boring music, i don't want to be a boring singer/songerwriter, i don't want to contribute to the dumbing down of culture in our society. not that i have these lofty aspirations of making super pretentious "high art" [whatever that means anymore] but i know that i want to do something real and something new -- a tall order in this day and age.
but i know that i've got to do SOMETHING first. even if that something isn't awesome or earth shattering... even if that something exposes me and my lack of sophistication... even if that means that someone will think i suck. i'm not gonna just land at greatness out of the simple desire to be awesome or out of a fear mediocrity. i'm gonna have to endure my own crap. i've got some growing to do.
...
[know what those are?]
baby steps.
turns out when you actually do your readings for class, it sucks up your fun superfluous internet time. i mean don't get me wrong, i still check all my online social networking sites a shameful number of times a day but blogs take time and thought and i don't have a whole lot of time or a whole lot of thought to spare these days.
i will expound albeit concisely [for me, anyhow] about the exciting things unfolding in my future. ladies and gentlemen, in the next two weeks i will be playing not one but TWO shows! bum-ba-da-BUMMMM!!! while i should be thrilled at this opportunity [somewhere deep down i am, i promise] i'm also terrified and i mean TERRIFIED. playing out is something that i know i've got to do and something i know i should have been doing but i don't know... it's SUPER DUPER scary. even more than a fear of failure, i have an INTENSE fear of mediocrity. i've been justifying my reluctance to play out by reasoning that i would rather play nothing than play something that's just okay. there are millions of okay songs out there by millions of okay writers sung my millions of okay singers -- i don't want to be one of them. i don't want to make boring music, i don't want to be a boring singer/songerwriter, i don't want to contribute to the dumbing down of culture in our society. not that i have these lofty aspirations of making super pretentious "high art" [whatever that means anymore] but i know that i want to do something real and something new -- a tall order in this day and age.
but i know that i've got to do SOMETHING first. even if that something isn't awesome or earth shattering... even if that something exposes me and my lack of sophistication... even if that means that someone will think i suck. i'm not gonna just land at greatness out of the simple desire to be awesome or out of a fear mediocrity. i'm gonna have to endure my own crap. i've got some growing to do.
...
[know what those are?]
baby steps.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
post-Lent
Easter Sunday marks the end of the Lenten season. Lent is a time to reflect on the 40 days Jesus spent preparing Himself for the agony of crucifixion. many people choose to give up certain comforts or take on practices that serve as a tool to keep focus in the midst of a world of distractions.
this year, i decided not to participate.
why?
...
um, i didn't feel like it.
quite frankly, i was kind of a brat about it and there wasn't anything i felt like giving up. instead, i spent a good chunk of Lent being a bummed out whiny self-pitying mess. that's right... while other people were out there reflecting on Jesus, i was whining about petty woe-is-me blahdibarf and la la la. real cool.
in light of this revelation, a few friends and i have decided that it's time to quit whining and focus on the health of our souls. ladies and gentlemen, i give you: POST-LENT!
for the the next forty days, i'm going to be doing what i probably should've been doing for the last forty days. but more than just changing a few behaviors [which i will be doing, details to follow] i hope to change the way i've been thinking and subsequently, the way i've been feeling. to help me in this endeavor, i plan on doing the following:
++ i'm giving up cellphone solitaire. i know this seems like the lamest thing to give up but if you know me or if you spend more than a few hours at a time with me, you know that cellphone solitaire is my go-to supplementary entertainment. i looked up my game statistics and did the math and i have spent over EIGHT DAYS of my life playing cellphone solitaire. pathetic, i know. in the absence of my beloved game, it looks like i'll actually have to pay attention in class and do something other than just shut my brain off whenever i don't feel sufficiently entertained. it's gonna be rough.
++ i'm gonna work-out [kinda]. again, if you know me, you know that working out is hardly a priority for me. i don't think i'll ever be able to exercise on the basis of superficial motivations. i have a weirdly awesome self-image that while fantastic on many levels, keeps me from tending to the health of my body. i dunno, i guess when you feel like you look good it's easy to feel sorta invincible. so i've enrolled in some hip-hop classes and i'm gonna try to walk greenlake [a 4.5 mile lap] at least once a week. i'm not concerned on the effect it'll have on my outward appearance but i'm hoping it does my mind and soul some good. but if my booty shrinks so much as a centimeter, i QUIT! kidding. kinda. :)
++ i'm going to read more. i have yet to finish the amazing book i started before the beginning of the quarter, partly due to the reading i had to do for school but largely due to the fact that i spend so much time watching trashy reality tv. so not only will i be reading more of that book and the countless other books on my list, but i'm going to be doing something i have neglected to do for the bulk of my educated life: do my assigned readings when they're due [gasp!]. one of the pitfalls of being such a gifted BS-er is my tendency to rely on my ability to articulate rather than on good ol' fashioned hard work. so i'm going to try a very novel thing [pun intended] and READ the things my teacher tells me to. it's a big step, believe me. oh, and i could also stand to read the Bible more often. so i'll be doing that as well. :)
beyond those bigger goals, i'm going to try focus on more than just myself and my immediate needs and issues and work on activities that will foster real growth. i'm going to have to exercise more moderation in my tv watching and my hangout times [sorry kiddos!] in order to restore some much needed balance. this includes but is not limited to actively working on my music stuff especially since it looks as if i've got a couple potential shows next month [eek!]. also, i'll be praying more. i know that's a very trite thing to aspire towards because what does that even mean really? nevertheless, i know it needs to be done and this post-Lent is all about DOING.
so if you didn't partake in the Lenten season or if you're just generally in need of some extra focus, you are more than welcome to participate with us for the next forty days until may 2nd as we [bum-ba-da-BUM!] POST-LENT [copyright jHong 2008]!
:)
this year, i decided not to participate.
why?
...
um, i didn't feel like it.
quite frankly, i was kind of a brat about it and there wasn't anything i felt like giving up. instead, i spent a good chunk of Lent being a bummed out whiny self-pitying mess. that's right... while other people were out there reflecting on Jesus, i was whining about petty woe-is-me blahdibarf and la la la. real cool.
in light of this revelation, a few friends and i have decided that it's time to quit whining and focus on the health of our souls. ladies and gentlemen, i give you: POST-LENT!
for the the next forty days, i'm going to be doing what i probably should've been doing for the last forty days. but more than just changing a few behaviors [which i will be doing, details to follow] i hope to change the way i've been thinking and subsequently, the way i've been feeling. to help me in this endeavor, i plan on doing the following:
++ i'm giving up cellphone solitaire. i know this seems like the lamest thing to give up but if you know me or if you spend more than a few hours at a time with me, you know that cellphone solitaire is my go-to supplementary entertainment. i looked up my game statistics and did the math and i have spent over EIGHT DAYS of my life playing cellphone solitaire. pathetic, i know. in the absence of my beloved game, it looks like i'll actually have to pay attention in class and do something other than just shut my brain off whenever i don't feel sufficiently entertained. it's gonna be rough.
++ i'm gonna work-out [kinda]. again, if you know me, you know that working out is hardly a priority for me. i don't think i'll ever be able to exercise on the basis of superficial motivations. i have a weirdly awesome self-image that while fantastic on many levels, keeps me from tending to the health of my body. i dunno, i guess when you feel like you look good it's easy to feel sorta invincible. so i've enrolled in some hip-hop classes and i'm gonna try to walk greenlake [a 4.5 mile lap] at least once a week. i'm not concerned on the effect it'll have on my outward appearance but i'm hoping it does my mind and soul some good. but if my booty shrinks so much as a centimeter, i QUIT! kidding. kinda. :)
++ i'm going to read more. i have yet to finish the amazing book i started before the beginning of the quarter, partly due to the reading i had to do for school but largely due to the fact that i spend so much time watching trashy reality tv. so not only will i be reading more of that book and the countless other books on my list, but i'm going to be doing something i have neglected to do for the bulk of my educated life: do my assigned readings when they're due [gasp!]. one of the pitfalls of being such a gifted BS-er is my tendency to rely on my ability to articulate rather than on good ol' fashioned hard work. so i'm going to try a very novel thing [pun intended] and READ the things my teacher tells me to. it's a big step, believe me. oh, and i could also stand to read the Bible more often. so i'll be doing that as well. :)
beyond those bigger goals, i'm going to try focus on more than just myself and my immediate needs and issues and work on activities that will foster real growth. i'm going to have to exercise more moderation in my tv watching and my hangout times [sorry kiddos!] in order to restore some much needed balance. this includes but is not limited to actively working on my music stuff especially since it looks as if i've got a couple potential shows next month [eek!]. also, i'll be praying more. i know that's a very trite thing to aspire towards because what does that even mean really? nevertheless, i know it needs to be done and this post-Lent is all about DOING.
so if you didn't partake in the Lenten season or if you're just generally in need of some extra focus, you are more than welcome to participate with us for the next forty days until may 2nd as we [bum-ba-da-BUM!] POST-LENT [copyright jHong 2008]!
:)
Monday, March 10, 2008
graph paper
i wrote a poem on graph paper
hoping the boxes could contain my thoughts
hoping each little block
could accomplish what my will can not
like maybe my thoughts would fall in line
or at least fit in between them
like the letters that fill each
delightful little space
my thoughts might fall right in place
and make the mess that is my mind,
this chaos currently masquerading as my brain
as measured, managed and orderly as
this ordinary graph paper
hoping the boxes could contain my thoughts
hoping each little block
could accomplish what my will can not
like maybe my thoughts would fall in line
or at least fit in between them
like the letters that fill each
delightful little space
my thoughts might fall right in place
and make the mess that is my mind,
this chaos currently masquerading as my brain
as measured, managed and orderly as
this ordinary graph paper
Monday, February 25, 2008
like a koala without a pouch...
... a banana without a peel ...
... a soccer mom without a minivan ...
... a dave bazan without a beard ...
... such is how i feel without my cellphone.
i left my cellphone at home today.
i usually keep my brain stimulated during class with a rousing game of solitaire but in the absence of my beloved treo, i was forced to take a nap instead. [being a student is no walk in the park, folks -- i'm tellin ya.]
now with the rest of my day ahead of me, i should be focused on completing the schoolwork that i consistently put off. i would run home and get my celly-cell but i live deep in the suburbs and my inconsistent obsession with efficiency won't let me leave the comforts of the city to do so. not to mention the fact that once i get home, it would be really hard for me to leave again. and since there's no way i'm gonna be able to read jane austen when i've got the option of catching up on the episodes of 'flavor of love 3' and 'rock of love 2' that i missed last week, i'm just gonna cut the umbilical cord [albeit temporarily] and try to go through my day without it.
the past few times i've accidentally left my phone behind, i've imagined coming come to a slew of panicked texts and voicemails from my codependent friends who don't know how to go a day without my wise council and witty banter. much to my shock and disbelief, i'd usually come home to no missed calls, texts or pleas for my attention of any kind. and although there's still a lingering fear that someone may be cursing my name to the heavens whist shaking their fist screaming "WHYYYY??? WHYYYYYY???", i'm gonna bet that no such person exists and that the world is more or less functioning with or without my immediate availability.
it begs the question, what did any of us do B.C. [before cellphones]? how did we function? i inherited my cousin's cellphone at the tender age of 16 and i'm not sure how i survived without it. and how did i live pre-texting? i remember the days when texting was a cumbersome task - so much so that the ringtone i assigned to texts was [and still is, for sentimental reasons] the destiny's child classic "bugaboo" [this was before i had the glorious qwerty keyboard of my treo and before i had mastered the t9 function of my previous cell]. nowadays, i can speed text with almost as much dexterity as i can this very blog that i'm composing at lightning speed this very moment [if you were looking over my shoulder, all you'd see is a frenetic blur of tangerine colored nails].
i'm not really sure what the point of any of this questioning really is. i guess i'm just finding myself more and more put off by the flippant convenience of technology [not that it keeps me from utilizing it]. i think about whittling down my bank of 419 myspace "friends" and weeding out those who i am rarely [if ever] in contact with in the vain hope that it would make myspace more authentic. i don't for fear that i'd hurt someone's internet feelings, which is both absurd and completely realistic which makes me contemplate deleting my myspace account altogether. but i know myself well enough to know that i'd no sooner cancel my cellphone plan and throw my treo in the the depths of puget sound.
it's not technology that grosses me out -- it's me.
the truth hurts.
but the truth will set me free.
... a soccer mom without a minivan ...
... a dave bazan without a beard ...
... such is how i feel without my cellphone.
i left my cellphone at home today.
i usually keep my brain stimulated during class with a rousing game of solitaire but in the absence of my beloved treo, i was forced to take a nap instead. [being a student is no walk in the park, folks -- i'm tellin ya.]
now with the rest of my day ahead of me, i should be focused on completing the schoolwork that i consistently put off. i would run home and get my celly-cell but i live deep in the suburbs and my inconsistent obsession with efficiency won't let me leave the comforts of the city to do so. not to mention the fact that once i get home, it would be really hard for me to leave again. and since there's no way i'm gonna be able to read jane austen when i've got the option of catching up on the episodes of 'flavor of love 3' and 'rock of love 2' that i missed last week, i'm just gonna cut the umbilical cord [albeit temporarily] and try to go through my day without it.
the past few times i've accidentally left my phone behind, i've imagined coming come to a slew of panicked texts and voicemails from my codependent friends who don't know how to go a day without my wise council and witty banter. much to my shock and disbelief, i'd usually come home to no missed calls, texts or pleas for my attention of any kind. and although there's still a lingering fear that someone may be cursing my name to the heavens whist shaking their fist screaming "WHYYYY??? WHYYYYYY???", i'm gonna bet that no such person exists and that the world is more or less functioning with or without my immediate availability.
it begs the question, what did any of us do B.C. [before cellphones]? how did we function? i inherited my cousin's cellphone at the tender age of 16 and i'm not sure how i survived without it. and how did i live pre-texting? i remember the days when texting was a cumbersome task - so much so that the ringtone i assigned to texts was [and still is, for sentimental reasons] the destiny's child classic "bugaboo" [this was before i had the glorious qwerty keyboard of my treo and before i had mastered the t9 function of my previous cell]. nowadays, i can speed text with almost as much dexterity as i can this very blog that i'm composing at lightning speed this very moment [if you were looking over my shoulder, all you'd see is a frenetic blur of tangerine colored nails].
i'm not really sure what the point of any of this questioning really is. i guess i'm just finding myself more and more put off by the flippant convenience of technology [not that it keeps me from utilizing it]. i think about whittling down my bank of 419 myspace "friends" and weeding out those who i am rarely [if ever] in contact with in the vain hope that it would make myspace more authentic. i don't for fear that i'd hurt someone's internet feelings, which is both absurd and completely realistic which makes me contemplate deleting my myspace account altogether. but i know myself well enough to know that i'd no sooner cancel my cellphone plan and throw my treo in the the depths of puget sound.
it's not technology that grosses me out -- it's me.
the truth hurts.
but the truth will set me free.
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