honesty

billy joel might be a drunken super shmarmy hamptons manwhore but he sure had one thing right: honesty really is a lonely word.


my biggest struggle with my latest foray into the blogging world is my almost compulsive need to be absolutely, completely honest. the things i want to write about these days are pretty personal, bordering on actual vunerability. if you knew anything about me and my robotic nature, you would understand what a shocking thing that truly is.


as if that weren't crazy enough, it seems this new found vunerability is somehow seeping into my real life too. don't get me wrong, i'm pretty much an open book and i have very few secrets. in fact, the vast majority of secrets i keep belong to other people [secret squirrel in the house! WOOP WOOP!]. however, when it comes to sharing my actual FEELINGS? eww. gross. nooooo thank you.


and yet despite myself, i've been a veritable geyser of emotions these days. at least by my standards... i guess by anyone else's standards it's more like the weak dribble of water that barely made its way out of the elementary school water fountains of our youth. nevertheless, its weird and scary.


but it's an answer to prayer, so i guess i shouldn't complain.


this season of my life is officially dedicated to finding my medium. i've lived in extremes for most of my life and although it's been exciting and dramatic and mundane and relaxed... it's been anything but healthy. it's time to find my mature medium.


so goodbye, emotional unavailability. see ya, emotional fragility.


hello, medium. where the hell have you been all my life??
:)